Chapter Four: To Infinity... & Beyond!

Actually... this is the first picture.

Ok, so technically this is our first picture taken together, but of course my family is in it as well. So our other picture is our first picture taken of "ourselves" together! Here we all are at Goofy's Kitchen at the Disneyland Hotel. In order from left to right: Kiky, my mother Deborah, my grandmother Elva, my little sisters boyfriend Alan, my little sister Amanda, my niece Olivia, Pluto, my niece Mia, myself, my older sister Clarissa, and last (yet very much not least) my Maria.

Ponyo loves Sōsuke!

We just watched the movie Ponyo together. It was a good movie, especially being next to the one I love! And Maria looks like Ponyo when she sleeps. And she has Ponyo's appetite!

P.S. I want to make a Ponyo!

At Disneyland with my love!

So far Maria’s birthday I decided to get her (actually the both of us) annual passes to Disneyland! Disneyland has always and forever will hold a special place in my heart. And so I decided that I would love to create new memories at Disneyland with my Maria! I thought it would be fitting to get the passes because throughout the years talking on the phone to Maria we always said that one day we would go to Disneyland. I also thought it was give us something exciting to do because doing dinner and a movie over and over becomes mundane.

So one Wednesday afternoon I called Maria and told her we would go out when she got home from work. When I picked her up she asked where we were going, and I pretended not to know. But I think she figured it out once we started approaching the Disneyland freeway signs. And so on 7-22-09, Maria and I obtained Premium passes to Disneyland. She was (and so was I) very excited to finally be at Disneyland.

When we talked on the phone back in the day (or as I like to call it “The Phone Years”) we always talked about doing certain things together. With Disneyland being one of those things it felt good to accomplish one of the many things we always talked about and plan on doing.

It took us several tries, but we finally got a decent picture at night in front of Sleeping Beauty’s castle. We plan to (slowly but surly) partake in every attraction both California Adventure and Disneyland have to offer!

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” -Walt Disney

Chapter Two: So Close, Yet So Far

And so, I continued to pursue Maria. Constantly asking her when we were going to be able to finally sit down with each other face to face. Yet she continued to turn me down time after time. I thought it was ridiculous that A.) I could have such strong feelings for someone whom I haven’t seen in um-teen years. And B.) It was hard for me to understand with as much time and effort we both put into each other, why wouldn’t she want to see me and get to know me better. I always believed, like I always told her, that I thought we would get along just famously together. By this point and time I knew I wanted to be with her. I held back from telling Maria how I felt for so long. We spent countless times talking about her ex, and there were so many times where I wanted to say “I can love you better”. But I didn’t for the sake of not falling into a usual rebound position. I firmly stayed neutral, yet always vaguely entertained the idea of us being together, while still remaining opaque despite my true feelings and/or intentions.

We would talk at night before we went to bed, and it drove me crazy that we couldn’t be together until finally I snapped. I could no longer lead myself on in hopes that one day we might be. I was stressing myself out over something I had finally come to terms with that just wouldn’t be. I thought it was crazy that two people whom were so close mentally, emotionally, and geologically were not together. I have heard of people falling in love via phone and/or internet and doing anything they possibly could to see each other. Working hard and saving money to travel hundreds of miles to catch a glimpse at another person who captivated their heart. And here I am living in a neighboring city, willing to put my heart on the line… and yet I get nothing. Enough was enough. I called Maria that evening and told her that I could no longer go on being her listening ear. I could no longer be her support after a hard day or the one to reassure her when in doubt. I could no longer talk to her until she fell asleep on the phone at night. Or give my opinion or advice about the matter at hand. I felt that I had shown an immense, if not extravagant, amount of patience. But my heart could no longer hold on to hope.

Hope

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

- Emily Dickinson

A somber conversation ensued. I felt my words were cold but I also felt I spoke from the heart. I came to my own decision that I had to let her go. I was in love with someone that I couldn’t be with. Or I was rather in love with idea of being in love with her. For my own sound of mind I needed to distance myself. I was very languished and disappointed once again in love. Yet deep down in my soul, hope hung on for dear life.

“Hope is a waking dream.” -Aristotle

Chapter One: In The Beginning

So I’ve know Maria since the 6th grade at Calle Mayor Middle School. She was in my homeroom class with Ms. Hewitt. My oldest memory of Maria is her sitting at the table closest to the teacher’s desk next to her best friend at the time Hamidah Sultan. Haha! She had a pony tail on top of her head and always wore flannel shirts. I remember her black and red flannel in particular! My next memory of Maria is sharing 8th grade government class taught by Mr. Ladre. I just remember her still hanging out with Hamidah, whom was very mean. Now as far as South High goes, I don’t have a single memory of Maria. In all honesty I wasn’t close to her at all. And have no recollection of sharing any conversations with her at all.

It wasn’t until the fall of 2004 when I got back in touch with a mutual friend Michelle that I came back in touch (or first in touch) with Maria. It was on the on-line social network known as MySpace where we first came into contact. I was browsing through graduates from my class and came across her. I sent her message asking how she had been and what she had been up to. And we’ve have been talking ever since. It started with us sending messages back and forth with small chit chat. But it wasn’t until she looked to me for advice and/or an opinion concerning her then troubled relationship that we really started talking. I felt a connection with her in the sense I had gone through a similar situation myself. And slowly we both soon began confiding in each other about personal matters.

We developed (in my opinion) a very unique relationship in where we never hung out in person ever, yet talked over the phone quite frequently. Our conversations became that of lending an ear in trying times, sharing hopes and dreams about our futures, discussing TV shows, movies, and other current events. We talked about anything and everything for hours on end.

I always invited Maria out to different social events and out for dinner. But she never accepted my invitations. Why, you ask? I’m not exactly sure. But as co-author of this blog I hope in a future post she will let us know! We talked on and off for four years, never once meeting in person. And yet, my feelings for her had grown very strong over time. I had to have this girl in my life!

There's nothing blue about the way I feel.

Taken with Maria's camera on her cellphone after a nice lunch at Rubio's! :)

Our first picture together!

So everything is coming along as far as this blog is concerned. I learned how to post my own images, and played around with the layout settings (finally settling on a Cinderella palette of blues). It took me some time along with some Photoshop tweaking, to get our personalized banner to display correctly on top of the page. I also synchronized my mobile phone so that I may post blogs on the fly via my phone! Now I’m just waiting for Maria to sign in as co-author so this blog may officially take flight! :)

P.S. The picture was taken at The Disneyland Hotel for my niece's, Mia and Olivia's, graduation. We had lunch at Goofy's Kitchen with my family. And this was the first time Maria was introduced to family (with the exception of my little sister Amanda, whom she met the night before). We took the picture with her camera phone right outside the restaurant.

I'm so happy when I'm with her!

And so I guess I start this blog by explaining my intentions and/or its purpose. I thought it would be nice to co-author a blog with my girlfriend where we could share anything and everything we have to say. At first I thought… well, why wouldn’t I just tell her to her face anything I had to say? Which I agree, and I do tell her. But this acts as more of a journal that can be looked back upon days from now, weeks from now, months from now, and even years from now. You know how you keep old writings, or have a scrap book of pictures. And every now and then you like to look back and reminisce about past memories, good times, and funny stories. Well this blog serves as that same purpose. With date, and time stamp we can always look back on the times we have shared. And my memory isn’t the best, so I always like to have references to keep my life timeline in order. Plus it’s a place where we can share sweet comments and/or feelings with each other. I personally thought I was always better at conveying my feelings on paper rater then in words. So in short, this blog is to document the past, current, and future memories of myself, and my “Mahal” Maria.

“A little place to call our own!”

So This Is Love...

And I love her.

I, Gabriel Luna, am in love with Maria Jasmin Songco.